Rough draft: The Sprawl

The (partial) draft of my project is up here. Clio is my designated peer-editor, but if the rest of you have some free time between now and Wednesday, feel free to go through and make comments. I’ll continue to update and expand it (significantly, I hope) over the course of the next day or so.

One response to “Rough draft: The Sprawl

  1. Hey Rachel,

    I really like the concept of your report, and here are my comments based on what you’ve put up so far.

    1. Ok, so I like the whole aesthetic feel of your blog, but initially I was a little confused about where your actual essay was (at the bottom of the page). Have you thought about swapping the location of your blog posts with this. Or maybe making it a little more noticeable. Not a huge deal, but just a suggestion for user-friendliness.

    2. I really like how your introduction works to position your project. It’s really interesting, but towards the end I felt like it sort of leaves you hanging. You get into this discussion of “here” and “networks,” and I think it’d be really interesting if you got deeper into this. I like your definition of Cyberspace as “Cyberspace” is out there, described by billions of points in space that, connected, form the physical home of the great “cloud” of information that is the Internet. In cyberspace, “out there” is also “in here,” digitally inscribed in the tiny miracle of engineering that is the modern computer hard drive,” but again I think a more detailed definition might provide your reader with a more stable foundation for your discussion.

    I guess my main comment is, don’t assume your reader knows everything. You’ve put out a lot of interesting ideas and concepts, but it might be hard for people to break into them if they don’t have the context that we’ve created in class. So explain, explain, explain. For example, your second post – the one that references the Velvet Underground Song, is really interesting, but your reader may need more background.

    My last overall comment is – you’re trying to tackle A LOT in this project. Make sure you stay focused, otherwise it will overwhelm you. Try and be as concise as possible, and really think – is this relevant to my project?

    Good luck, it’s looking really great. Let me know if you need me to clarify anything